The Giant

With so many thoughts racing around
Darkness is trying to push me to the ground
The battle is persisting but I'm not alone
The giant in front of me laughs at my stone
But he doesn't realize and he doesn't see 
I'm not facing him alone

Screaming out the storm taunts me
Darkness rolling in
The valley seems to be getting wider 
Troubles piling on once again
Looking back on the past
To the brighter easy days
I wish they were here now
I struggle to find words as I pray:

"God can't you see me?
Where did you go?
Why'd you leave?
What did I do wrong?
Why is this happening to me?"

Waiting for a response
Silence it is
Waiting for a response
But silence persists

"God, where have you gone?
Why'd you leave me here alone?
The giant is getting closer
And he's laughing at my stone
I can't face him by myself
Please won't you help?"

Unresponsive again
Unresponsive it seems
Silence again
Is He even listening?

"God are you there?
I'm really really trying
But I can't see you or hear you and my hope is slowly dying"

Day after day goes by slowly
The light grows darker
Chaos grows stronger
The giant grows bigger
The stone in my hand feels smaller

Still wondering where God is
He was there back then
Where is He now?

I start to think this is it for me.
I'll just toss my stone aside
I'm about to give in completely 
The dark thought races in my mind

I turn back towards the giant
With the stone in my hand
But something has changed now
The giant is silent which is strange for him

I look and I look
As I take in the scene
I thought the giant was big
But look at how small he is now
As he stands in the palm of God's hand

The whole time I was afraid
And angry and confused
The whole time I was waiting
For God to come through
He was really right there
Just waiting for me
To open my eyes and actually see
The giant is in God's hand
And there's no way he can get to me

God was listening
He has always been
He won't leave me now
He never left me then

With the giant in God's hand
And a small stone in mine
There's no way he can beat me
Not when God's on my side

***

Exodus 14:14
"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." 

Nothing A Knee Can't Teach Me

What a month. Or maybe I'll just cut it down to this past week. What a week. As many of you probably know, a couple weeks ago I hurt my knee during our first week of volleyball practice. At first, it seemed like it was just sprained and would only take a little time to heal. But after a visit to the doctor, things weren't looking too good. It wasn't until after an MRI and a phone call with the doctor that I suddenly had to picture at least the next 6 months of my life differently. Not only did I tear my meniscus as they had suspected before the MRI, but I also tore my ACL. As of currently, my ACL is rolled up in a ball. Now, instead of being out on the court playing with my teammates, I will be having surgery and then spending the rest of this season cheering my teammates on from the bench while I work to rehab and get my knee ready for next season.

With as much support and encouragement I've received, I have to be honest and I'm still going to say it sucks. I hate watching practices when I know I could be on the court pushing myself to get better. I also am not a huge fan of sitting on the bench and knowing there's no chance I'll even get to step a foot on the court during a game this season. I hate hobbling around trying to get to classes and walking up stairs slowly but surely. I hate feeling weak and having to have people hold the door open for me when I'm on crutches or having people carry all my stuff. None of this situation seems ideal.

But maybe it is ideal. I don't know if I'm being tested, what the reason is for all this, or what God is telling me. But I do plan on figuring it out.

Coincidence or God's timing or whatever it may be, last week I wrote about how life can be so hard at times, but that ultimately God is good and that triumphs over everything.
It was 2 days after I wrote that blog that I found out about my knee. Now I know there are far worse things that could’ve happened to me and I know there are far worse things going on all around the world; but it was kind of like God was saying, “Alright, you said it, now let’s see if you really believe it.” Through the pain, through the struggle, through the hobbling around, during surgery, after surgery, while I’m warming the bench, while I’m working on physical therapy and etc.: God is still good.

To be honest, I was hoping that after a few days of taking in my situation, I would have more of a lesson, something cool to share, or just anything to blog about. But I really, truly don’t. Not yet anyways. But I’m guessing that lesson is coming. Because playing volleyball has been a huge part of my life for so long, I’m anxious but ready to see what I might learn about myself and about who God is during these next few months while I’m unable to play.

So with all that in mind, I would like to say thanks for all the prayers and encouragement as I know that the next few months won’t come easy. But, I also would like to say, stay tuned! Because I really truly believe that God is going to work some mighty things in all of this. And hey, maybe that could be a mini lesson to you. Something that I’m sure you’ve heard before but will probably hear again, God will work through the hard times. Don’t fear the darkness, because the light at the end of the tunnel is coming.

“He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." –Isaiah 40:29-31 

Life is Hard, but God is Good

A lot has been going on in my life recently, but this statement keeps repeating itself over and over again in my head: 

Life is hard, but God is good. 

Even though I know and believe these words are true, my outlook and attitude always seem to look more like: 

God is good, but life is hard. 

Although both statements are true, our entire outlook can change based on what we emphasize as the most important. 

Do you emphasize that God is good in your life? Or do you emphasize that life can be hard? 

The same thing goes with so many other things.....

- I have faith in God, but I'm still afraid of the outcome.... Should become I'm afraid of what the outcome could be, but I will have faith in God. 

- I trust in God's plan, but I fear the future.... Should become I fear the future, but I will trust in God's plan. 

-I believe God is my healer, but I'm broken... Should become I may be broken, but God is my healer. 

-God provides, but I'm empty.... Should become I'm empty, but God will provide. 

The list could go on and on. 

We have to learn to emphasize God's goodness.

I tend to be more on the pessimist side of life, so it's definitely easier to focus on everything going wrong. But it's way more rewarding to focus on God and what He can do. 

Psalm 100:5 

"For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations." 

Life is hard, but ultimately God is good. 

God is so much bigger and better than any obstacle you may face, do you believe it? Or the better question may be, are you living like you believe it? 

Bring on the Healing

“Heal me, Lord, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise.” Jeremiah 17:14 

My summer has come to an end and that means that volleyball season is starting up again. Unfortunately, its only a week into the season and I have obtained an injury that has put me completely out of practice for the past few days and for more time to come. With other injuries on the team as well, God's healing power has really been on my mind. 

In the gospels, we see that people came to Jesus from near and far seeking his healing and wanting to experience it for themselves. One of my favorite examples of this is when the bleeding woman simply reached out to touch Jesus to experience his healing. She had faith that Jesus could and would heal her. 

What areas of your life do you need healing?

Do you have faith that He can heal you? 

Today I simply want to say, "Heal me Lord, and I will be healed." God is so powerful and works mightily to heal.  Whether it be broken bones, a broken heart, or a broken spirit, it should be our strongest desire to seek Jesus who has the power to heal us in every way. 

Something To Remember

I am right here.

I know it doesn't seem like it sometimes, but my promise remains true that I will never leave you. 

Don't block me out; seek my face. 

I know you feel like your world is falling apart, but that's okay. 

This world is not your home anyways. 

Where you belong is with me, and with me, nothing shall fall apart or spiral out of control. 

I am in control. 

I can't stress this enough, you really just have to trust that my plans are bigger and better.

Take a step and follow me. Give up control and see where I lead. Though the waves are crashing all around, and it's starting to feel like you may soon drown, you won't.

The only place you will drown is in my love and grace. 

I am your hiding place. 

I am your safe place. 

Run to me when you're afraid. 

I will never ever turn you away. 

There is no way I could explain my love for you, but just trust me that I do. 

I love you more than you could possibly imagine. Before you were born and everyday, my love is an ocean, drown in my grace. 

You are my child, no matter how old. 

Nothing could make me love you more or less. 

Come to me and run to me and find rest. 

Trust my ways, I will go to battle for you.

I will fight for you always, I am your God.