Faith in the Desert

Most of you probably know a couple summers ago I was blessed to be able to take a trip to Israel with the "That The World May Know" ministry on a tour led by Ray Vander Laan. 

As life changing as that experience was, I learned so much that it so easily slips away. So today, I opened up the journal that I kept while I was traveling and one of the first things I read was this:

"What gives you a strong spirit is practicing out your faith in the desert."

It seems like that thought has driven a lot of my blogs these past couple months.... The deserts in life and all the trials you keep going through, are opportunities for you to practice out your faith. 

It's easy to have faith when everything is going your way, but when you get lost in the desert, hanging on to that faith gets more difficult. 

Tenth Avenue North hits the spot with their song "Don't Stop the Madness." 

This song has brought me to tears so many times, because it's so hard to ask God to make us weak so that He can really work within us. But that's what we need. 

That's what I need. 

"Don't stop the madness

Don't stop the chaos

Don't stop the pain surrounding me

Don't be afraid, Lord, to break my heart

Just bring me down to my knees, yeah

All I hear is what they're selling me

That God is love, he isn't suffering

And what you need's a little faith and prosperity

But, oh my God, I know there's more than this

If you promise pain it can't be meaningless

So make me poor if that's the price for freedom"

PAIN ISN'T MEANINGLESS. 

I get so frustrated waiting to see God work in my life. But God isn't the problem. The problem is me. I have to be willing to experience the pain to experience His strength and power. 

How willing are you to ask God to make you weak? 

How often do you ask him to keep bringing on the pain and the chaos? 

The pain you are feeling is God speaking. Are you listening? 

I'm finally starting to see it. I was at a lull this summer in my relationship with Christ. I was going through the motions it often seemed.

And I'm finally starting to see that this pain is exactly what I needed. 

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us." 

-Romans 8:18 

"And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." 

-1 Peter 5:10 

Still Fighting

I'm still waiting for the light bulb to go off when I finally become grateful for everything I've been going through. 

To be completely real, today was a very long, frustrating, and exhausting day.

But I'm still fighting. 

I'm not sure if I have a lesson or any inspiration to give tonight, but for anyone and everyone out there that is going through something:

DON'T STOP FIGHTING. 

Trust me, I know how exhausting fighting to push forward can be, but don't stop. 

People are watching you, counting on you, and waiting for you to break down. Maybe some people even want you to fail, and other people really do want you to make it through. 

As believers in Christ, people are always watching us. If we're going to say God is good, strong, powerful, gives peace, joy, and everything else we believe to be true about him, our lives have to show it. Especially when we're struggling. 

Just because you go through something difficult, doesn't mean that God isn't still any of those things. Because He is constantly those things. 

When you go through something, God is testing you, believing in you, and excitingly waiting to see you grow. 

James 1:12

"Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him."

I know it's hard and oftentimes it feels pointless, I understand the frustration, stress, exhaustion, and all the other feelings that come along with fighting through something, but keep pushing on. 

Be steadfast, be strong, and press on, there is a purpose for the struggle and the pain, but oftentimes you have to push all the way through it to finally figure it out. 

It's not the trial that produces growth, it's the fight that you give to get through it. 

It's not about me

I remember a couple days after my surgery, I was at breakfast and I saw a man walk by with a prosthetic leg. Yes he was walking, but he did not have his real leg and I can't even imagine the struggles he has been through.

It's a bummer not being able to walk, it really truly is. But I still have both my legs and will be able to walk again soon....                        

So as I sat there and watched him go about getting his breakfast, I couldn't feel sorry for myself. I actually felt guilty for ever feeling sorry for myself. 

It's kind of like how people go on mission trips out of the country or somewhere and come back feeling so fortunate and blessed for all they have. 

Suddenly I can't walk, and I realize how walking seemed like such a small thing; but it's actually huge. Something so simple, I've taken for granted my entire life. 

Even the ability to play volleyball is something I've often taken for granted. 

I'll admit that I complain about my situation way more than I should. 

And when I saw that man who had no leg, I realized exactly how selfish I can be.

If I look outward and take the focus off myself, suddenly not being able to walk 4-6 weeks or play volleyball for a season doesn't seem so terrible. 

Imagine how much of a blessing you could be to someone if you just start looking. 

We focus so much on our own problems, that homeless people are dying, children are without homes, people leave the church feeling judged, someone hides their depression day after day, etc. 

As simple as it sounds, forget about your own problems and invest outwards. Life is never going to be about me. Ever. 

"Consider others as more important than yourself." -Philippians 2:3

Jesus' ministry was focused entirely outward. Everything He did was for others. So as followers of Christ, ask yourself how much time you spend focused on yourself? Then, how much time do you invest in the lives of others? 

And if you don't like the answers to those questions, like me, then it's time to make a change. 

Boasting

2 Corinthians 12:9
"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

I really can't express how relevant this verse is in my life for these next couple weeks. After just having knee surgery, I have to stay completely non-weight bearing on my left leg for at least the next 4 weeks. It's only been a few days since the surgery, and tomorrow I'll be back in school and trying to make it to and from classes across campus, physical therapy, doctors appointments, practices and etc. And I know for a fact that I will be feeling very helpless, tired, and weak. 

But what a thought to think we are to "boast in our weaknesses." As an athlete all my life, that'd be the exact opposite of what my mindset is. Why in the world would I want to boast about my current weakness? It doesn't seem like a very "strong" thing to do. 

I have also felt that if I show my weakness, maybe I'll come off as a baby and people would really think I'm just weak. 

But that's the plain truth. I am weak. The only reason I can and ever will be considered strong is the strength of Jesus Christ within me. 

Weakness is strength because that's when God's power is made perfect. 

I will say I'm still feeling pretty weak and helpless, but I pray that when the time is just right, God's power will be made perfect in my weakness. It's not just about waiting for that time, but about trusting that the time will come.

So here I am.... Boasting in my weakness and trusting that soon God's strength will prevail. 

"I may be weak, but
Your Spirit's strong in me.
My flesh may fail, but
My God You never will"

-Elevation Worship