I’m single. It’s Valentine’s Day. And yet here I am- doing just fine.
But let’s be real, obviously I don't always feel just fine. It can be rather difficult living in a place and being part of a small town/Christian culture where it often feels like there’s something wrong with you if you aren’t married by 23.
I seriously could write a novel about some of the things that “Christian” people or others have told me about my singleness. I can recall so many times when something said has made me feel like less of a person for being alone. I could also probably write another novel about the amount of times I’ve put myself out there and been hurt and rejected. When both of these things go together hand in hand, it makes it rather difficult not to feel like there's something wrong with me. Let me tell ya, there have been so many tears shed over painful words and guys leaving me in the dust that causes me to question my worth.
This year, after dating failure on failure, God has spoken a beautiful truth into my life. "You can trust me. I won't turn and run. No human will ever be able to hold your heart and love you the way that I love you." I write those words, and it seems so simple, or almost like "yeah, duh Brooklyn." Yet to honestly believe this truth is a choice I have to make everyday. However, those moments when I actually trust and live like I'm loved, are the most freeing moments. Suddenly, I can be confident. I can be bold. I can take leaps of faith because at the end of it all, I know who has my heart.
I know I am so so loved, and even though I’m a mess most of the time, somehow Jesus still loves me just as I am. That, right there, will be the greatest love I’ll ever know. Just because some people can’t see my worth as is, it doesn’t mean it’s not there. I know my worth. I know I’m quite the odd little catch, and even if I die alone (which I often joke about), I get to walk in the most beautiful and unconditional love everyday.
So, after the last couple years and all the dating failures I’ve faced and comments I’ve received, I’m sitting here, and I promise you I am doing just fine. Sure, it's taken a lot of prayer, reflection, and growth to get here, but I'm totally alright being alone. I wouldn't know Jesus the way I do, or have the confidence I do now if I hadn't had these years of singleness and searching. Of course I still hope and pray that one day some man will love the mess that I am, but until then here I am- still worthy, still loved, and still doing just fine.
I feel incredibly vulnerable in throwing this out here for anyone to see... so why am I actually putting this out there for y'all to see? Here are three reasons:
1- One of my resolutions this year was to be more bold and to use my voice to speak truth. This is one of the best ways I know how to do that as I've always been better with writing my words than speaking them.
2- I write to process, to remember, and to hold myself accountable. And boy do I have a lot of processing, remembering, and self-reflecting and growth that needs to be done!
3- I’ve seen a lot of kids, teens, and other young adults this past year, who feel like they aren’t enough or like they aren’t worthy of love. It absolutely crushes me because I’ve been there, and I’ve felt that, but I’ve learned those lies aren’t true. My prayer is that maybe these words will find you, and you'll realize you're not alone in feeling alone.
No matter what your relationship status is, know that you’re loved, and your status never defines your worth.