Let Darkness Fear

When a nine year old looks up at you with fear and confusion in their eyes, asking, "Why would somebody do that," how do you respond?

I woke up this morning to my phone full of news notifications about the Vegas shooting. I was shocked, confused, and sick to my stomach as I read the news headlines.

It's not comprehendible to me, let alone a child. How can we ever understand how someone could be full of so much hate and evil? How do we respond to hate? How do we respond to a violence and evil like this? How do we respond when thousands of lost people are now wondering how a good God could ever exist when this kind of evil takes place in our world? I feel helpless as I consider these thoughts.

But, as I drove to school in the dark this morning, these words rang through the speakers:

Build Your kingdom here
Let the darkness fear
Show Your mighty hand
Heal our streets and land
Set your church on fire
Win this nation back
Change the atmosphere
Build Your kingdom here
We pray...

Unleash Your kingdom's power
Reaching the near and far
No force of hell can stop
Your beauty changing hearts
-Rend Collective, Build Your Kingdom Here

No force of hell can stop the power of God's hand changing hearts and changing lives.
No mass shooting, no hatred, no violence, or evil can defeat, diminish, or take away the power of the cross.

So how do we respond?

We pray. We hope. We love.

We pray for healing. Healing for the injured, healing for the broken-hearted after losing loved ones, and healing for those who directly experienced this horrifying event.
We pray for our nation. That in this darkness we will turn towards the light. That we will find hope greater than any darkness. That we will join together and put our differences, beliefs, and opinions aside so we can heal and unite.

We hope in God's promises and we share that hope to the hurting, lost, and confused. We hope in the face of fear as we question evil and heartlessness.

We love despite hate. We put aside all our differences and serve one another. Help one another. Show compassion to one another. Get to know one another and build relationships that overcome hate. Love one another.

Cause darkness and hate to fear in the face of a love stronger than any evil. Let darkness fear the power of the cross changing hearts and changing our world.

It disheartens me to read comments from people already turning this tragedy into support for their political agendas. Can't we take the time to mourn and come together as ONE nation, even just for a moment? It will take so much more than politics and government to heal our nation.

Pray. Hope. Love.

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging." 
-Psalm 46:1-3

Rest and Reset

It has been a couple weeks since I have last posted. Getting used to the "teaching life" has taken quite a bit out of me, and it got to the point where I just needed to rest. I don't mean sleep, I don't even mean relax. I mean taking a moment to rest in the presence of Christ. The faster and busier life gets, the easier it is to slip away from spending those little moments with Christ. Yet, it is those little moments with Christ that seem to keep me going and moving forward when I go from one thing to the next in my day-to-day life.

I actually completely forgot to blog a couple weeks ago--and at first I felt guilty. I felt like I had failed at doing something for Christ that I've always felt led to do. But then I realized that I actually really needed the time off. I needed a chance to clear my head of all the little things on my mind from teaching and everything else. I needed a time to clear my head so I could refill it with God's Word. Then, I decided to take a second blog Monday off so I could just stop thinking of all the little things I had to do.

When doing something for the Kingdom starts to feel like a chore, it may be time to take a step back and reset.

I think this goes for anything in life. Even with teaching, there are days when I just want a break and everything seems so overwhelming. And on those days, I know that I need to find a moment to rest, reset, and ask God to fill me back up with a patient and serving heart like His.

As a teacher, it is very easy to notice when a student needs a chance to reset. Maybe they are frustrated and they need a quick break from their assignment. Maybe they are having trouble focusing and they need a chance to get some energy out. Whatever it may be, resetting a student's focus, attitude, or behavior is a common occurrence in the classroom. I've wondered if God looks down and nudges me to take a moment to reset my focus, my attitude, and my behavior in my relationship with Him.

If I've learned anything over the years of crazy schedules with working, practicing, classes and so on-- it is that being busy is hard and exhausting, but being busy without Jesus is worse. Tonight, I encourage you to take a moment to reset, refocus, and realign your heart and mind to His.

"Come near to God, and He will come near to you." -James 4:8

Take Me Back

I wrote this awhile ago and just recently stumbled upon it again. It's a poem I wrote after my trip to Israel, during a time in my life where I just wanted to go back to a place where I truly felt God's presence.

To this day, I still wish I could go back to Israel and to En Gedi and experience it all over again. But, this poem and this call, "Take me back," really mean so much more. It's easy to slowly slip away from being in God's Word everyday and spending time in prayer. It's easy to unconsciously but gradually fall further and further away from a deep, intimate relationship with our God. However, it is incredible that even in one moment of asking God to be brought back to that place where our hearts are in tune with His, He can make it happen. Of course it takes more than that to build a deep and consistent relationship with Christ, but that one moment is beautiful nonetheless. Even in our weakest moments, a small glimpse of God's presence can change everything. 

As you go throughout your busy, fast-paced week, take a small moment to ask God to bring you back to Him. You are never too far out of God's reach to be brought back under the shelter of His wings. 

Take me back to En Gedi

Where your Living Water flows

Where it was easy to find you, to hear you, to seek you

Take me back through the desert

So my wandering heart breaks

So the eyes of my soul open

So I’m completely lost until I find your face

I desperately know that I need you desperately

But the things of this world won’t let me escape

Like David found En Gedi

Where Living Water overflowed

Lead me back to your embrace

Take me back to En Gedi

Bring me down to my knees

My heart is drying up quickly

Let your love wash over me

Lead me to your waterfall

I’ll dive as deep as I can

So I can immerse myself in your grace

And be near you once again

This dry and barren land

Is getting the best of me

God I need your Living Water

Rain down your love on me

Take me back to En Gedi

I’m ready to hike

I’m prepared to be broken

I’m ready to fight

To fight against my weary soul

To run from all that holds me back

To humble myself before your throne

If that’s what it takes to be brought back 

Back into your promised home

Oh Abba, Living Water

Forgive me for my wrongs

Cleanse me once again in your waterfall

Take me back to En Gedi

Now my sins are no more

My savior has freed me

I can swim in your love once more

Living Water I need you

Not just now but always

I’ll follow you through the desert

Through the valley through the storm 

Through the wadi to En Gedi

Where Living Water flows

I could stay here forever

In my Abba’s waterfall

After the Waiting

The following blog is one I wrote and originally posted at the very beginning of this year. Waiting and wondering is something I struggled with for a very long time. I wanted to know that God actually had an answer for the trouble I was facing. And, I didn't want to go through the aching of waiting. What I didn't see back then, however, is that one day there would be a time that comes after the waiting. 

As I read through this blog now, I can't help but feel so grateful for the months of waiting and wondering I went through. It completely broke me down and crushed my spirit, at first. But then it led me to a place of complete faith in God's plan. It led me to a place where I was able to jump all in to what God was doing in my life, instead of tentatively getting my toes wet. This is not to say the process wasn't painful. It was incredibly difficult. Not many people actually enjoy waiting. 

But don't be discouraged by the silence of God or the quietness of the empty waiting room you're sitting in. Even though it may seem pointless, there is purpose in the waiting... 

There is something about the silence of God that seems like an answer louder than any other answer. You sit in that waiting room, desperately awaiting a ‘yes’ in some shape or form. This waiting room may be one of the greatest challenges you will ever face. The answer from God may be the second greatest challenge you will ever face. It’s the anticipation, expectation, and the waiting that tests and builds your faith in a deliberately uncomfortable manner.

Is it possible that sometimes the answer we’re waiting for, is the waiting itself? Is God’s answer a simple silence?

Because as I sit in this waiting room, sending up my prayers and my tears, I keep hearing a resounding silence. But I’ve always believed with the most fervent faith that God HAS to answer prayers. That is who He is—Our Father, the Most High, the One True God, who yet hears our gentle whispers, our shouts, our cries, all of our prayers—and answers. 

“Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear.” –Isaiah 65:24

“Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and He will say: Here am I.” –Isaiah 58:9

Yet if God answers when we call, why is it that all I seem to keep hearing is silence? I’m still in this waiting room. I’m still hearing silence. But if God always answers, then maybe I missed the answer. Or, maybe He just hasn’t answered me yet. Or quite possibly, maybe the answer is just silence. 

Sometimes, it seems like a simple ‘no’ would be a better answer than the waiting. Waiting is hard. Being patient, and trusting God’s timing in the silence, quite honestly is one of the greatest challenges I’ve faced in my faith. 

I don’t want silence—I want a set in stone answer.

Yet, God answers…

Silence and waiting. 

It’s as if God is gently saying, 

“Just wait, you’re not quite ready yet.” 

Because maybe if He is saying that, then right now is the chance for me to grow, to lean on Him, and to prepare myself for whatever is in store for me. 

The simple truth is we don’t know when God will answer. We don’t know how He’ll answer. But we do know He will answer, and whenever He does answer, we have to be prepared. 

Because what if that answer is “to go?” What if that answer is a yes and we’ve been sitting around just waiting for God to say it? 

Don’t waste the times of waiting. Don’t ignore the silences. 

I can’t say for sure, because God speaks differently to different people. However, I know in my own life that the times of silence and waiting have been huge periods of growth in my life. When it’s all said and done, maybe it was in that growth, that God answered. 

So as you sit in the waiting room, don't doubt what God is doing. Instead, let the waiting room break you down, and get rid of everything that causes you to doubt and to fear. Let it build your faith, let it build your trust, and let it prepare you for whatever work God is going to do in your life next." 

Light

“If I say, ‘Surely the darkness shall cover me,

and the light about me be night,’

even the darkness is not dark to you;

the night is bright as the day,

for darkness is as light with you.”

-Psalm 139:11-12

Of course you didn’t ask for this pain

This sickness

This hurt

This battle

Of course you struggle to face it

This disease

This shame

This war

But remember who I Am

I Am the light

I Am the Good Shepherd

I Am your healer

I never promised you ease

But I did promise this:

I Am your God

I Am a solid rock

I Am your shield

I have felt your pain

I have felt your sorrows

I feel your pain

I feel your sorrows

I walked through the darkest valley for you

I overcame it with light

You may not see me now

But I Am present

I Am here

I Am yours

Of course you didn’t ask for this

Of course you don’t want to face it

But darkness is as light in me,
It won’t stay dark forever.

Enjoy the Moment

Although summer has quickly reached its end, this next coming month, week, or even year is HUGE for so many people. Many of my friends are beginning their senior years of college. Some people are transferring to new schools, or starting college for the first time. Some people are getting married this year and starting families. Some are starting out at new jobs. And I am beginning my very first year as a teacher.

As different stories end, other stories begin and unfold in a crazy, but exciting journey. Getting my classroom ready and all the other little things ready for teaching has been so much more work than I had ever imagined. But it has also been so much fun for me. Not because I absolutely love doing all the little things I have to get done, but because this is a new story I have been waiting for my whole life.

Two of the things I have always been most certain about are volleyball and teaching. Even in elementary school, all I ever wanted to do was become a teacher. It’s been a passion that God has so clearly placed in my heart.

But now with hundreds of things to do, it’s been so easy to stress out, to worry, and to allow all this work to really feel like work. However, today I was reminded that I have to enjoy the moment. Even though I may have many first days of school ahead of me, I’ll never have another first year teaching. I’ll never have another first group of students. Honestly, I’ll probably never be as clueless and curious about teaching as I am right now. So I have to enjoy the moment.

A year ago, I never would have imagined that I would be where I am right now. It still almost doesn’t seem real. I feel too young. I feel unqualified. I feel inexperienced. But I also feel the joy, grace, and loving guidance of God directing my feet in each and every moment with this experience. I have so many great people supporting me, encouraging me, and willing to pick me up when I need it. There’s no reason not to enjoy the moment.

I really don’t mean to just write about myself, but I’m so excited to finally start teaching this week that I really can’t help it. My apologies! But I would like to encourage you, however, to enjoy the moment.

 Maybe it isn’t a season of joy in your life right now, and that’s okay. Embrace it and grow. But if you’re in a season of change, or new things, if you’re in a season of curiosity, or if you’re in a season that may be coming to an end soon, I encourage you to enjoy the moment. Life moves way too fast to stress out about the little things. Enjoy the moment!!

“Behold, what I have seen to be good and fitting is to eat and drink and find enjoyment in all the toil with which one toils under the sun the few days of his life that God has given him, for this is his lot.” –Ecclesiastes 5:18

A Mustard Seed in Tragedy

“I know You're able and I know You can

Save through the fire with Your mighty hand

But even if You don't

My hope is You alone

They say it only takes a little faith

To move a mountain

Well good thing

A little faith is all I have, right now

But God, when You choose

To leave mountains unmovable

Oh give me the strength to be able to sing

It is well with my soul” 

-Even If, by MercyMe

It’s one thing to have faith in God. It’s another thing to have faith in what God can do. And yet, it’s another thing to have faith when God chooses not to do what He can do. 

Faith isn’t just about believing in God, or believing that He can move mountains. Faith is believing in God and still believing that God can move mountains even when He doesn’t. 

I’ve seen God move mountains, and in those moments its simple to have faith in what God can do.

 But, I’ve also seen heartbroken people begging and praying for God to move, but their situation doesn’t change, or it worsens. I’ve seen families torn apart, tragedies strike over and over again, stories of shootings and bombings on the news…It is those moments when it seems as if God hasn’t moved, that our faith starts to shake. It is those moments when we wonder what good is our faith if bad things still happen.

“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” –Hebrews 11:1

Not only is faith confidence in the things that we hope for, but faith is assurance about the unseen. This means that when we don't see or understand the things that God does, it's our faith that has to lead us to confidence in God's power, in His goodness, and in His plan. I honestly cringe and ache a little inside as I write those words. Not because I don't mean it and believe it, but because no matter how hard I try, I can never understand the depth of pain that other people go through when tragedy strikes. And because for me when hurricanes erupt in my life, I know that my faith has been shaken to the core and my assurance turns into doubting and painful questions.

In those moments it’s hard to see or understand what God is doing, or even what God isn’t doing, will you still have faith? Will you still be confident in God’s power? Will you still have faith in what God can do? Will you be sure of who God is and what His plan is, despite how you feel about it?

I'm one of those people that doesn't really know how to comfort people when they're hurting. This is probably because I oftentimes get irritated when people try to understand the way that I'm feeling. Just like how no one can truly get inside someone's head and understand all their thoughts and feelings, we can't understand how tragedy and struggle are a part of God's plan. But they are. And this rings true throughout Scripture, and through the death of Christ on the cross. The most righteous man to ever walk the earth was killed unfairly in the most gruesome way you could imagine, but that pain was a part of God's good plan--because just a few days later Jesus rose and was alive again. 

But what is going to get you through those few days when the darkness is still surrounding you? What hope are you going to hold onto while you wait for your circumstances to change?

One of my favorite stories in Scripture is when Abraham was asked by God to sacrifice his own son. No questions asked, Abraham sets off with Isaac the very next morning to do what God asked him to do. I can’t imagine that Abraham could even fathom why God was asking him to do this, but having faith in what God could do, Abraham continued on. Abraham went as far as tying his son up to the altar, and taking out his knife to kill him. But then, God moved.

Abraham probably had absolutely no idea what God was doing, but he had faith anyways. 

I don’t like not knowing. I question why God allows certain things to happen. I wonder why God chooses not to act when He does. I question God’s timing. My faith is far too small. 

But I want to be like Abraham. I want to be a Christ-follower who has faith that God will act, even in uncertainty. I want to be someone who believes that God can move mountains, even when He doesn’t. I want to be someone who doesn’t have to know or understand what God is doing…Then, even when I don’t know— I want to be someone that clings to faith and assurance in who God is even in the unseen.

I've read, seen, and heard of a lot of tragedy these last few weeks. Wildfires are burning and creating chaos in houses burning down and property being destroyed. Families are getting heartbreaking diagnoses of cancer and disease. People are losing loved ones suddenly and desperately trying to cope with what they don't understand. 

As you read this, if you find yourself in a position of hurt and wondering what God is doing through those painful circumstances in your life, I won't try to understand how you are feeling. Instead, I want to remind you that even if your faith is as small as it has ever been, cling to it and let God carry you through the storm. 

Have the faith of Abraham when you can, but when you can’t find that kind of great faith within you, try to find even just a mustard seed of faith. 

Stop trying to figure out the why, the why not, and the how come…even if it’s just for a moment. Because understanding the hand of God is something we will never come to terms with until we meet Him face-to-face.

Instead, just rest in His promises and hold on to that mustard seed of faith. Find assurance in the truth of God’s goodness, even when what is going on in the world around you and in your life doesn’t seem good. Hold onto the hope that the time between Christ's death and resurrection didn't last forever.

The smallest faith can move mountains, and you never know when it will.

"Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."
 -Matthew 17:20 

"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 
-2 Corinthians 4:17-18

Big Plans

God didn’t call me to do some huge, world-changing thing. Maybe He didn’t call you to do some huge thing either. DON’T TAKE THAT THE WRONG WAY.

I oftentimes feel like I’m not doing enough. When I hear that “God has big plans” for my life, I tend to think it actually means something crazy. Something like becoming a professional athlete and having a positive influence in that field, saving tons of starving children, publishing an award winning novel that brings people to Christ, traveling the world and helping the needy, etc.

But maybe those “big plans” mean being a teacher in a classroom of only 13 students. Maybe those big plans mean buying a McDonald’s cheeseburger to give to the homeless guy on the same corner every week. Maybe those big plans mean doing the best I can to have a positive influence on the people around me in my life right now.

I know that I’ve written about this same topic before. But it’s something that I am constantly thinking about and having to remind myself.

It’s dangerous to always hear, “God has big plans for you.” Not because God doesn’t have a perfect plan, but because maybe that plan isn’t actually that “big” in our own eyes, which might leave us disappointed.

If I’m constantly trying to figure out what God’s big plans for my life are, I’m going to be distracted from the plans God is working out in my life right NOW.

This last year, I made the commitment to sponsor a little girl in the Dominican Republic through an organization called Compassion International. Getting to write letters back and forth to Esther has been one of the coolest things! And getting to meet her and spend the day with her was even more amazing.

A few weeks ago I had an opportunity to sponsor another child. In my head, I kept thinking something along the lines of, “Yes, I have to do it. The more children I can sponsor, the better.” There was also a part of me that thought that if I could just sponsor one more child, maybe I would be closer to completing those “big plans” God has for me. But in my heart, I realized something very different. It’s not that sponsoring another child would be a bad thing, but maybe right now devoting myself to sponsoring and writing to Esther (my current sponsor child) is what I’m called to do.  

I’ve made a commitment to myself that in the months to come, I’ll stop living to do more. And instead, I’ll start just living as I’m loved. It shouldn’t be about trying to do all these things that just might be a part of what God wants for my life. It should just be me living as someone who is unconditionally and wholly loved by God.

There’s a thin line between living to earn God’s love and living because we’re loved. Even if we know that God loves us as we are, I think it’s easy to fall into this idea that we should try to do as much as we can for Christ, even though we’ll never be able to repay Him for what He has done for us. Instead of living in this mindset, we have to remember that we are already loved completely and entirely, and could never be loved any more or any less.

We’re loved for who we are in Christ, not for anything that we’ve ever done or will ever do. So in the months to come, live like your loved. Don’t live to be loved. Don’t live, constantly chasing after all these “big plans” and opportunities. Live loved. Being right where you are, serving God where He has you right now, loving Him and loving people is the “big plan” God has for you.  

It doesn’t mean that you won’t ever do that huge thing you’ve been dreaming of doing. Maybe you will change thousands of lives. Maybe you will start a world-wide organization for children. But don’t let that be the reason that you’re living. Live because you’re loved.

Psalm 63:3

“Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you.”