If Only

           

            I had a conversation with my sister the other day about people changing after high school and when they go off to college. In the midst of the conversation, my sister explained to me that the only way I changed when I left college was that now I am more emotional and I cry a lot more. I jokingly responded, “Well, that’s what college does to you.” But, in all reality, she’s right. I’ve always been someone that thinks things through, A LOT. Part of that, means I always really listen to the lyrics of songs. Most of my favorite songs aren’t my favorite because I like the sound necessarily, but because of the lyrics. I almost always think about the meaning, the emotion, and the message behind the lyrics of a song.

With that being said, I’ve been listening to this Switchfoot song on repeat for the last couple days.

“If you could only let your guard down

You could learn to trust me somehow

I swear, that I won’t let you go

If only you could let go your doubts

If you could just believe in me now

I swear, that I won’t let you go

I won’t let you go”

                        -Switchfoot, “I Won’t Let You Go”

The first time I heard it, I got quite the image of God in my head. As I said before, I actually do cry a lot more now. So, I won’t lie… When I heard this song I cried. I cried because the picture and the meaning I saw behind the song broke my heart. I imagined God, reaching out His hand for me, crying out desperately for me to just trust Him, to just stop doubting, and just believe that He really is the God who the Bible says He is…. He cried out, while I walked away.

What keeps me away from God is my lack of trust, and the overwhelming amount of doubt in my heart. 2015 and 2016 have been quite crazy years…and it didn’t stop this summer. I have seen so much pain, so much hurt, and so much tragedy just in the last few months that I will NEVER really understand. I don’t understand all the violence, and shootings, and hate going on in the world. I don’t always get why Jesus just doesn’t step in. It really makes me question. I start to think about questions I normally try and avoid…questions like, “If God is a good God like He says He is, why is this happening? Why did He let that happen? How does a good God allow people to hurt like this?”

Unfortunately, it is often these questions and these doubts that build the distance between mankind and God. That’s why this song made me cry, because when God is pursuing my heart, I run away. I run away not because of anything God has done, but because of my own thoughts, doubts, and lack of trust. You can’t build a relationship without trust. God just wants me to trust Him. He wants me to trust that even if I will NEVER understand what He is doing, He is good…And He is who the Bible says He is.

 “Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant seeking fine pearls, and upon finding one pearl of great value, he went and sold all that he had and bought it.” -Matthew 13:45-46

We are those pearls. We are worth great value, and God is constantly seeking to find a way into our hearts. I used to think it was strange that people would sometimes call God’s relationship to mankind a love story. But I get it now… Because it is a love story. It is the greatest love story ever written… And it’s not fiction, it’s real life. God sees value, He sees worth, He loves unconditionally, and He continuously seeks after us, regardless of how much we run.

So, my simple encouragement for you this week is this: Don’t ignore the love song God is singing to you... Don’t ignore His cry for you to just trust Him, and believe in Him. Because you can’t fully experience God’s holding hands, if you don’t fully let yourself trust in Him. God won’t let you go, but the only way you can really find that out to be true is to stop holding yourself up, to stop doubting who God is, and to trust that in all circumstances, even the unexplainable, God has been holding you all along and He isn’t leaving now.

If only we could really learn to trust God, maybe then we would start to understand who He is.