Sometimes
it is difficult to be vulnerable. I can imagine I’m not the only one who has
experienced this. It can be so easy to act like you're fine all the time, and act
like you’re not actually falling apart on the inside. Today, I am writing in
this state… I am vulnerable. I am confused, broken, lonely, and weak. I am on
my last straw, wondering what event will come next in my life to break me even
more.
As much as this feeling
totally sucks, there is beauty in it. When I’m broken, when I’ve given up on
all the worldly things that fail me, I have a God who is immovable and will
never fail me. I have a God who is greater and bigger than any experience I go
through. When everything seems to be going wrong, I have a God who will find me
exactly where I am. When I am vulnerable and broken, my God is strong. He’s
waiting to reach out to me, as soon as He hears my cry. Psalm 18:6 says,
“In my distress I called upon the Lord, and cried to my God for
help; He heard my voice out of His temple, and my cry for help came into His
ears.”
No matter how broken
I am, I am never outside the realm of God’s mercy and grace. All I have to do
is let go of my own strength and humbly fall before Him. Tenth Avenue North
perfectly states this feeling of vulnerability and humbling our broken hearts
before God:
I'm on my knees
Begging You to notice me
I'm on my knees
Father, will You turn to me, yeah?
Begging You to notice me
I'm on my knees
Father, will You turn to me, yeah?
One tear in the dropping
rain
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the Maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart?
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the Maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart?
One life is all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Would You come close and hold my heart?
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Would You come close and hold my heart?
If you ever feel as if your pain and struggles
are insignificant and don’t matter, I promise you that they do. God hears your
cry and sees your pain. He knows what you’re struggling with, and He is waiting
for you to give it up and find Him. In your darkest hour, God isn’t going to
run away and hide from you because He doesn’t want to deal with your struggles.
Instead, if you let Him, He will fix you. He will hold your heart and catch
your tears. All the pain you feel now will be so small in the face of God’s
presence.
“We can ignore even pleasure. But pain
insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in
our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf
world.” ― C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain
Embrace your pain and struggles and know that God is
listening to your cries. He will hear you, and in time when He does,
it will become your turn to listen.
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