Wondering and Wandering...Yet Again

I’ve been thinking about what to write about for this blog for the last few days, and I’ve come up with nothing. Life has been so crazy and hectic the last couple weeks, and a lot of things have come up that have brought me back to a very confused state of wondering. I’ve been wondering about some big life decisions and whether or not I need to make some changes that would impact my future in a big way, wondering how I can be a better friend and mend some relationships that I’ve let crumble apart, and wondering about what I’ve been doing with my life lately that is actually furthering God’s Kingdom.

            I’m not just talking about my typical over-thinking, this wondering has been so much deeper. These decisions have just been sitting right at the front of my mind for the last week or so and aren’t going away like I would like them to. As one of the most indecisive people I know, I hate it. I literally cannot even decide what to wear for a day, what I should eat for lunch, or even what pie shake I should order at Shari’s… These seemingly minor decisions turn into fairly tough choices for me that I sometimes contemplate for more than 10 minutes. It is ridiculous, I know.

            The point is these bigger decisions that I have to make are driving me crazy. I know what I’m ‘supposed’ to do… I’m supposed to pray and seek God’s will and trust His plans are better than mine. But its truly difficult to even begin trusting God’s plan when I’ve been in a constant state of wondering lately. I really just don’t know. These thoughts have reminded me of one of the very first blogs I wrote: “Wondering about Wandering.”

 http://aimlesslyanchored.blogspot.com/2015/01/wondering-about-wandering.html

 I went back to that blog and read it again, and man does it hit the spot. Almost two years ago I was in this feeling state; confused and clueless as to what the next step I needed to take was. And now, I’m in the exact same state. I’m 20 years old now, and maybe I’ve finally learned that God is going to bring us to wondering and wandering, A LOT. Maybe the more we wonder, the more we learn to rely on God for answers. And, the more we wander, the more we find God-given opportunities we may not have ever stumbled upon before.

            So as encouragement for myself today and for anyone else who just may be stuck in the muck wondering like I have been, here is a verse that I will be trying to cling to and live by for the next couple weeks as I try and figure out these decisions.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths.” –Proverbs 3:5-6

 I really can't lean on my own understanding right now, because my understanding of where I should be going in life is running pretty dry. I need God to direct my path, and more than that, I truly want Him to. But He can’t show me where to go if I’m not open to being confused and having to wonder and wander for awhile until it is His timing to find me and guide me back to where He wants me.