On September 21st, my blog was titled "Still Fighting." The very first sentence I wrote was this:
"I'm still waiting for the light bulb to go off when I finally become grateful for everything I've been going through."
Two months later, today on November 23rd I can finally say, I am incredibly grateful for what I went through this semester. I won't go as far as to say that I wouldn't have had things go differently if it were really up to me, but I will say I'm glad God has a plan in everything and I do believe it is always better than mine.
Looking back on the semester, I've learned some very valuable lessons that I wouldn't have learned better in other circumstances. To summarize, here are 5.
1- I am stronger than I think I am.
Yes, it is a bold statement, but it is true. I have a tendency to be very self-critical and this semester has opened my eyes to the strength within me. At the same time, none of that strength came from my own abilities.
"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak." -Isaiah 40:29
Although I can say I've never felt more physically and emotionally weak in my life, I've also never felt God's strength and power more clearly in my life. Which leads to the 2nd thing I've learned:
2- God is so much stronger than I've ever given him credit for.
I've heard and read about God's power and the amazing mountains He's moved in people's lives, but I've never really felt like I've experienced it until this year. God moved mountains in my life. Although I'm sure most college students consider giving up quite often, I reached a point where I honestly was considering dropping out... I knew it wasn't what God wanted me to do, but I kept praying and praying that God would give me another option at least for the year. He didn't really give me another option, but He did stick with me every step of the way this semester on the road that He kept me on. Even though things got much worse before they got better and I often doubted, God still moved mountains.
3-You don't really have to have faith that God will move mountains until you realize how many mountains there are in your life that actually need to be moved.
It's easy to be prideful, to be complacent, and to feel safe right where you are in life, but I'm warning you right now... If you ever feel that way, you better brace up because God might shake things up real soon. Don't fall asleep on Him unless you're ready to be woken up.
I'd like to believe I was strong and had real faith in God before this semester, but it was never really tested. I didn't see the mountains in my life... Mountains because of doubt from wondering what God's plan for me is... Mountains from developing insecurities and not feeling worthy of God's love... Mountains from fear.. And etc. There were so many mountains that I was oblivious to. I was sitting on top of those mountains when God started to move them, and that's why I experienced a lot of pain because I had to fall all the way from the top to the bottom to actually see that the mountains were being moved. But through the pain and the healing process, my faith was strengthened and mountains were moved.
4- Don't expect God to satisfy you with worldly things.
Why is it that I ever expected God to satisfy me with worldly things? I always subconsciously had that mindset that having faith that God will provide meant that I would be satisfied with everything I wanted or thought I needed in this world. I thought if God healed me, then I would be satisfied. If God let me play volleyball again, then I would be satisfied. If God helped me get good grades, then I would be satisfied. If God could help me pay for my college and everything else that adds up, then I would be satisfied. If God would give me a good guy, then I would be satisfied. If God would give me lots of friends and surround me with support, then I would be satisfied.
But even if and when God gave me or will give me those things, I'm not going to be content and satisfied in them for long. Although there are blessings God gives us through this world, there is nothing more satisfying than the way He can fulfill your soul.
"For He satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul He fills with good things." -Psalm 107:9
5- Never doubt the influence you have in this world.
There was a period of time at the beginning of this semester when I highly considered giving up my blog. I wasn't really sure if enough people were even reading it, and if they were reading, I didn't feel like God's Word was really speaking through what I wrote. Although I wanted to personally inspire people, I never wanted this blog to be more about me than about God himself. I didn't just want people to see my own thoughts, but to learn about God, who He is, and who He can be to us.
The blog that I had set out to be my very last ended up getting 3 times as many views as all my posts normally do. It may seem like something small, but I honestly felt God telling me that I couldn't stop writing. It may not be changing people's lives, or changing the world, but it may very well be planting small seeds of hope... Even if it is just in one person's heart, it is worth it.
God can use you, and He will use you to do great things in His Kingdom if you let him. Don't disqualify yourself from serving in God's Kingdom because you don't think you're good enough for his work.
"For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." -Ephesians 3:14-21
And with that being said, I can say that yes, the light bulb did go off. I realize why I went through everything I did. I pray I learned and grew in the ways that God wanted me to, and I also pray that He gives me another wake up call again when I need it.
Takeaways for you:
- You are much stronger than you think you are if you let God's strength build within you.
- Look for the mountains in your life and expect God to move them.
-Have faith that the pain God allows you to go through is molding you into the person He wants you to be.
-Don't look to worldly things for contentment that comes from God alone.
-Don't disqualify yourself from being a part of God's grander plan to further His Kingdom.
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