God's Way

God isn’t working how I want Him to, but that doesn’t mean He isn’t working.

How often do you wonder about where God is? In struggles, in joy, in worries, and in all areas of life, do you see Him working?

Last week I wrote about the physical pain I’ve been experiencing that has sparked a huge mental battle and spiritual battle in my life. I know that God is speaking and doing something with this pain, I just don’t hear it and understand it.

It occurred to me this week that I’m waiting for God to work how I WANT Him to work; rather than trusting that He will work in the ways that He sees fit.

Whereas I would love for God to just heal me and allow me to be back on the volleyball court tomorrow, that isn’t the way He chose to work this time. Although He very easily could, He’s doing what He sees fit for His purposes.

So maybe that’s why I’ve been missing out on what He’s trying to do in my life. Maybe I’ve been too caught up waiting on Him to follow my plans through, that I haven’t been understanding of His plan.

It’s easy to say, “Yeah, I want to follow God’s plan for my life.” But, when push comes to shove and you realize that plan seems more like a one way ticket on the pain train, are you still going to trust and follow God’s plan?

“He knelt down and began to pray, saying, ‘Father, if You are willing, remove this cup from Me; yet not My will, but Yours be done.’ Now an angel from heaven appeared to Him, strengthening Him.”

–Luke 22:41b-43

Jesus has been there too. He obviously wasn’t stoked about having to be crucified on the cross. But that was God’s will, that was how God had to work. So, Jesus followed through with God’s plan.

Following God’s plan isn’t for the weak.

Oftentimes you won’t understand it. Sometimes it will lead you through intense pain and suffering. It might not always be fun. It might lead you to places you never thought you would ever go. It could very well be the most difficult thing you will ever do, but it is for a purpose. It's not my way, it's God's way. 

God works how He sees fit, not how we see fit. Open your heart up to His plan, trust that He's still working, and follow through with His purposes for your life. 

Painfully Painful

“We can ignore even pleasure. But pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” ― C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain

I keep coming back to this quote.... That God shouts in our pains. I've really battled with my physical health this year. Just when I thought I was getting closer to the end, I find out I need another knee surgery and am out of volleyball for another 4-6 weeks. Yes, that isn't a long time at all compared to how long it's already been. But that doesn't diminish the fact that I've been in so much physical pain for a year now. Pain has become normal, I don't even question it anymore. 

But I read this quote, and I wonder what it is God is shouting at me. Because He's been shouting it at me for awhile now and I must be missing the point. I have to, have to, have to believe there has been purpose in all this pain. I do believe God has been with me, and has taught me things I wouldn't have learned before. I just wonder why it's still going on? Why did it have to be so long? What else am I missing? 

Somehow, someway, God shouts in our pain. 

God already has spoken through my pain.

He is still speaking.

I just can't quite figure it out this time. It's such a difficult thing, when you don't understand something, often times your first reaction is getting frustrated and shutting down. 

“Why is my pain unceasing, my wound incurable, refusing to be healed? Will you be to me like a deceitful brook, like waters that fail?” -Jeremiah 15:18

I've had those moments this past week. I just keep wondering when it will end. Like when I realized I had four papers to write in one day because I missed my first week of classes after my surgery. I was already feeling sick from my pain meds, exhausted from trying to get back into classes, and then I read an email reminding me I had to write extra papers for missing class. So many things had added up, eventually I hit a breaking point and I finally let the tears out. I kept thinking over and over again, "What do you want from me God? What is it You're trying to say? When is it ever going to end?" 

I wish I could say I got my answer, but I'm still waiting. 

God is speaking through this pain; He has to be. 

As I write this, still waiting for answers, still desperately trying to cling onto the hope that there will be a day with no more pain, I do have some positive encouragement. 

Be patient in the pain. Rest on God's strength. Wait for His shout. Wait for Him to speak. Keep on fighting. Wake up in the morning, do what you need to do, and call on God's power when you feel like you've got nothing left. 

He will fight for you. 

He will work in your life.

He will shout in your pain. 

“For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” -Hebrews 12:11 

Getting to Know God in the Gaps

Last week, I wrote about the story from John of Jesus' encounter with the Samaritan woman at Jacob's Well. But there’s another point to that story that is probably often overlooked. When I went back to John 4 and read it again, I noticed something I had been missing before.

-Just on a side note, reading a Scripture passage just once isn't enough. Read it two times. Then read it again. Look up Bible commentaries. Read different translations. Read the surrounding context. Look up the original Hebrew or Aramaic words. Dive into the Word, and study it, and you will get so much more from it.-

Now back to the story... as I read John 4 again, a different verse stood out to me this time:

“Jesus answered her, "IF YOU KNEW the gift of God, and who it is that is saying to you, 'Give me a drink,' you would have asked him, and He would have given you living water."”

(John 4:10)

IF YOU KNEW.

Those are the three simple words that stood out to me.

Maybe we don't seek Christ to satisfy our hearts because we don't really know Him.

Maybe we are going to the world to fulfill those empty holes in our lives because that's the easy way... That's what we're familiar with. That's what we know.

Maybe we're empty because we don't really know who God is.

We're dissatisfied because we don't know what it is we need... Or who we need.

It's not the easy way. But remember if it was easy, it probably wouldn't be worth as much.

However, one of the simplest ways we can really get to know who God is, is by doing what I already mentioned above: diving into Scripture. You have to put work into it. You have to give effort. It will be difficult sometimes; but in the end the work makes it much more rewarding.

Here's the sad truth, we always question everyone's intentions. There's always a place in our minds where we wonder what gain we will get from everything we do. So if we're curious about the benefits we get from the world, shouldn't we be just as curious about the gift God has put on the table for us?

Trust me, I realize we will probably never fully understand God and the gift He is giving to us until the day we meet Him. But I think there is something we can begin to understand... And that is God's intentions. He wants to give us eternal life. He wants us to live free from our sins. He wants us to abide in His love. He wants us to be satisfied walking in His grace. He wants to build a relationship with us, His children. (Ephesians 2:8-10) (2 Corinthians 9:8) (James 1:17) (Acts 17:27)

So get to know who God is and the Living Water He is offering you, and watch the gaps in your life begin to be filled.

As I prepare for knee surgery #3 tomorrow (all from the same injury that happened a little over a year ago), this is something I will be focusing on. One of the most difficult things about having to sit out of volleyball and physical activity last season was that suddenly there was a huge gap in my life… something that had been a part of my life almost every single day for so many years now, was quickly taken away and left me feeling dissatisfied and wondering who I was without it.

But now I know. Volleyball will never fill the gaps in my life the way Christ can. So this time around, whether I have to sit out of volleyball for four weeks or eight, I’m not going to allow myself to feel dissatisfied. Sure, I know I will have my moments. But instead of letting the dissatisfaction in my life build, I’m going to focus on getting to know more about who God is.

I wonder if we get to know God the best, when we empty our lives of what the world gives us... 

So get to know the guy who willingly went to the cross so you could live; and maybe it will make all the difference when you're walking in the gaps. 

Living Water Flowing

Many people have verses, quotes, symbols, or words that mean a lot to them, for many various reasons. "Living Water" is that symbol for me.

Mayim Hiyim- Living Water Flowing

This summer I got this phrase tattooed on my ankle in Hebrew. I've been wanting to get it for a couple years now ever since I went to Israel.

In the book of John, there is a story of Jesus asking a Samaritan woman for water at Jacob's Well. This sparked up quite the conversation. Jesus tells the woman if only she really knew who He was, she would have been the one asking Him for water. The woman then asked Jesus how it could be that He could even offer her any water when He had nothing to draw water from the well with in the first place.

This is the question Jesus had been waiting for. For Him the answer was simple because it wasn't the water from the world that He was offering her.

“Jesus said to her, 'Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.'"
‭‭John‬ ‭4:13-14‬ ‭ESV‬‬

The only reason I am ever dissatisfied with my life is because I look to fulfill my emptiness in the wrong places.
Especially as of lately, I have been feeling so empty and incomplete. But I've only been feeling this way because I've been tricked into thinking the world has so much to offer, and it's those things that will complete me.
But it's never enough. It doesn't matter how many friends I have, how much money I make, what I go to school for, what my career choice is, where I live, who I talk to, etc.

What the world has to give me will never be enough.

You may never be fully satisfied with your job and career choice. You may never be fully satisfied with your wealth. You may never be fully satisfied with your friendships and relationships. You may never be fully satisfied with where you live.
There's always going to be something else the world can give us that we're bound to want.

That's why so many people at the end of the day are left feeling dissatisfied, empty, or incomplete. We want all the things we don't really need, and we don't truly accept the one thing we desperately need.

So we're left in a place with hollow hearts. Dissatisfied.
Empty.
Lonely.
Broken.
Always longing for something.
Thirsty for something more.

But it doesn't have to be that way. When we allow Christ to complete us, those empty spaces begin to fill up. The gaps are filled in. When we go to Christ for Living Water, rather than anything the world can offer, our thirst will finally be satisfied.

“O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭63:1‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Our God is Living Water. He is the only thing that will fully satisfy our hearts in unexplainable ways.

If this sounds like a load of Bologna to you, I encourage you to just try this out. At any moment of the day that you feel dissatisfied with anything in your life, give it up to God. Pull out your phone and read the verse of the day on your Bible App. Grab a Bible, flip it open, and just start reading. Turn on the Christian radio station and let God speak. Go spend some time outside, without technology or any distractions, and just be open to what God could do in your life if you let Him.

Trust me, I know it sounds ridiculous that these things could possibly lead to filling in the gaps in your life. But if you've hit a point where you continuously wonder what else it is you need in order to feel a little more put together, what's the harm in trying?

Jesus is offering you so much more than what you're getting from the world. Let Him fill you. It will be the best life decision you've ever made.

"Father, Forgive Them"

Forgiveness only works if we throw our grudges away.

To forgive someone doesn't mean you say that whatever they did was okay, it doesn't mean you accept their actions, it doesn't mean you agree with what they did.

It means you value them more than the small fight, more than the hateful words, more than the wound they caused you.

"I'll forgive her but I'm not going to be her friend anymore."

"I'll forgive him but I'm not going to talk to him for a week."

"I'll forgive them but they deserve what's coming to them."

Forgiveness isn't these things. Forgiveness doesn't come with conditions.

When Christ died on the cross He didn't say, "Well your sins are forgiven but that really hurt me so stay away from me for awhile."

In fact, on the cross Jesus said this, "Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing." (Luke 23:34)

There are no ifs, ands, or buts. Our sins were forgiven. Jesus understood we are sinners, but He saw a place for reconciliation in that. If a blameless man who experienced the worst pain in order to save the lives of murders, thieves, idolaters, liars, cheaters, and you and me, can't we find the strength somewhere in our hearts to forgive those who have wronged us?

Forgive and forget means to let it go. I can't count the number of times I've seen great friendships and relationships fall apart simply because both sides of the argument were stubborn. We're human. We hold grudges. But let me remind you that Christ holds no grudge against us and it's our sin that nailed Him to the cross and left Him to die.

To be like Christ means to forgive like Christ.

Forgiveness is hard. It's one of the most difficult things you may ever have to do. But it's also one of the most rewarding things you may ever do, to just let something go and let God's justice and grace take over.