Painfully Painful

“We can ignore even pleasure. But pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” ― C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain

I keep coming back to this quote.... That God shouts in our pains. I've really battled with my physical health this year. Just when I thought I was getting closer to the end, I find out I need another knee surgery and am out of volleyball for another 4-6 weeks. Yes, that isn't a long time at all compared to how long it's already been. But that doesn't diminish the fact that I've been in so much physical pain for a year now. Pain has become normal, I don't even question it anymore. 

But I read this quote, and I wonder what it is God is shouting at me. Because He's been shouting it at me for awhile now and I must be missing the point. I have to, have to, have to believe there has been purpose in all this pain. I do believe God has been with me, and has taught me things I wouldn't have learned before. I just wonder why it's still going on? Why did it have to be so long? What else am I missing? 

Somehow, someway, God shouts in our pain. 

God already has spoken through my pain.

He is still speaking.

I just can't quite figure it out this time. It's such a difficult thing, when you don't understand something, often times your first reaction is getting frustrated and shutting down. 

“Why is my pain unceasing, my wound incurable, refusing to be healed? Will you be to me like a deceitful brook, like waters that fail?” -Jeremiah 15:18

I've had those moments this past week. I just keep wondering when it will end. Like when I realized I had four papers to write in one day because I missed my first week of classes after my surgery. I was already feeling sick from my pain meds, exhausted from trying to get back into classes, and then I read an email reminding me I had to write extra papers for missing class. So many things had added up, eventually I hit a breaking point and I finally let the tears out. I kept thinking over and over again, "What do you want from me God? What is it You're trying to say? When is it ever going to end?" 

I wish I could say I got my answer, but I'm still waiting. 

God is speaking through this pain; He has to be. 

As I write this, still waiting for answers, still desperately trying to cling onto the hope that there will be a day with no more pain, I do have some positive encouragement. 

Be patient in the pain. Rest on God's strength. Wait for His shout. Wait for Him to speak. Keep on fighting. Wake up in the morning, do what you need to do, and call on God's power when you feel like you've got nothing left. 

He will fight for you. 

He will work in your life.

He will shout in your pain. 

“For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” -Hebrews 12:11